…And you would have never none.

Did you know that 4% of females in the United States will have Bulimia Nervosa during their lifetime and 3.9% of these individuals will die from it?  Also, did you know that eating disorders are a daily struggle for 10 million females and 1 million males in the United States and 4 out of 10 individuals have either personally experienced an eating disorder or know someone who has?  Bulimia is an eating disorder were the individual binge eats, feels guilty, then purges.

(this information was found :http://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/information/statistics-studies )

So it begins…the temptations and the lies of Satan.  Yes, I said Satan.  Some people think he is a figment of out imagination but he’s not; he is very real.

I feel like the closer I get to God the more trials and temptations I endure.  So today I got to work and I noticed to late that I had left my laptop at home, so I decide to work from home.  By the time I get home it’s time to eat lunch (I hadn’t had breakfast or my coffee).  I decide to invite my friend to meet me for lunch, she says she will text me when she is available.  I have a small sandwich cause I am really hungry.  Not even 20 minutes later she text me she is ready and that she will meet me at the restaurant.  In my mind I’m like, I just ate… I could just throw up… I’m just doing it so I can eat at the restaurant… It’s not hurting anyone…no one will know…

Background to this episode:  When I was a teenager I had very low self esteem, I was always thicker/bigger than my classmates/friends.  I had people in my life always telling me that I was fat, big boned, chubby, that I needed to watch my weight, bla bla bla.  At some point in my senior year al the negativity got to me and I thought I should do something about it.  So I started making myself throw up every time I felt overwhelmed with having to fit a certain image.

Fast forward to the person I am today.  I am a Christian woman. I have a loving family and a supportive husband.  I am a very confident person and am not insecure about my body anymore.  I’m actually the happiest I’ve been with my body in a while. (I might be a little to secure, if that’s possible. I’m just saying.)  The old me is dead, but guess what?  I almost fell…WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??!!  I took a paintbrush to the bathroom(yes a paintbrush), I kneeled down in front of the toilet, stuck the end of the paintbrush in my mouth(at this point my mind or Holy Spirit, definitely Holy Spirit was screaming at me to stop), and then I stopped.  I took the paintbrush out of my mouth and looked at it, stood up, grabbed my phone, my purse and keys and went to meet my friend for lunch.  Yes, I almost fell and I might be tempted again cause temptations and tribulations are ALWAYS going to happen.  I can’t change that.  What I can do is make the choice to not fall into the cycles from my past.  Thanks for reading. Till next time.

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

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3 thoughts on “Confession: I almost fell…

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